My dear Son,
You
told me you were messaging a girl and you were planning to meet somewhere at
school. I wanted to ask if it was a date, but I didn’t want to embarrass you. I
wanted to ask what she’s like. Is she nice? Is she smart? What type of music
does she listen to? Is she like your mom?
It
has been too long ago for me to remember. Was it like a switch? One minute you
find girls annoying, and then all of a sudden, all you want to do is hang
around them.
It seemed like only yesterday that the only girl you didn’t find
annoying was your mom. When did that switch flip? When did you start liking
girls?
I
guess it doesn’t really matter how it happened. Or when. What’s important now
is that you know what to look for, and more importantly, how to behave when you’ve
found her.
When you were little you told mom
that you wanted to marry her when you grow up. Well you know now that’s not
possible. But at that time, you wanted to marry mom because she had all the
qualities you want in a girl. If that’s true then you should ask ME because I’m
the only one that managed to marry her. I’m the “expert,” so to speak.
I know you’re only 12. And you will likely have
several girlfriends before marrying the right one. But you might as well learn
from the Expert so that you don’t waste time making all the mistakes I made.
Do
not get advice from your friends. Remember, “If a blind man leads a blind
man, both will fall into a pit.”
here is a list that helped me when
I met your mom.
What to look for:
Look
for someone that’s better than you. It’s as simple as that. Look for someone
that you admire, not only for her beauty, but also for her brains, her
attitude, how she treats her family and friends.
When
you find someone that is better than you, you will automatically want to be a
better person around her. When you strive to be a better person for her, it
will also uplift you.
Nothing
else matters. Her race, ethnicity, how many friends she has or how many likes
she can get on Instagram. Not her social status or even her religion. None of
that matters. Ask yourself this; “Does she make me want to be a better person?”
If the answer is YES – then you’re with the right person at this time.
How to
behave – A list of DO’S:
This
will sound corny but it’s true because I’m the Expert. Chivalry is not
dead. Be a gentleman. There’s the easy stuff you hear all the time; hold doors,
help her carry stuff, pull out the chair for her, give her your coat when she’s
cold. These are all good.
But
then there are some details that seem to be lost to your generation. Like:
1) Let her order first
and wait for her food to arrive before you eat.
2) Compliment her on
how beautiful she looks.
3) Be respectful in
front of her parents. Don’t say “Hey, how’s it going”. Say “Good morning Mr.
____.”
9)
Make her laugh.
And then there is the really important
stuff. Like:
10) Encourage her to
aim higher (do better at school, run faster at track, play harder in sports.)
11) Challenge her to
try new things, new experiences that will improve her as an individual.
12) Respect her
opinions and decisions at all times.
If
you can do 80% of these, she’ll love you. Do 100%, she’ll love and respect
you.
How to
behave – A list of DON’TS:
In no particular order – just
don’t do this stuff:
1)
Hurtful pranks. I don’t get how anyone can play a
hurtful prank on their girlfriend for a laugh. I know it’s all over YouTube and
it gets a million likes. That just tells me there are at least a million people
out there that won’t have a worthwhile partner. You don’t want to be one of
them.
2)
Bodily emissions on purpose. Just like how you wouldn’t walk up to
your teacher and fart or burp in her face, don’t do that to your girl. It’s not
respectful. Save that for your buddies.
3)
Profanity. Don’t use any profanity directed at
her, her family or friends. In front of her or behind her back. Respect.
4)
Let her down. If you say you’re going to be
somewhere or do something, do it. Don’t let her down intentionally. Girls like
men, not little boys. And men stick to their word.
5)
Stare at your phone. Don’t text, talk. If you’re with her,
keep your eyes on her, not technology.
6)
Lie and hide. If you make a mistake, own up to it.
Change, improve, and move on. If you are practicing all these hacks, she will
forgive you.
7)
Shame or belittle. Similarly, she might make mistakes,
forgive with sincerity. Never hold a grudge, shame or belittle her.
8)
Gossip about other people. Even if she does, listen but don’t
participate. Don’t tell her not to do it, just acknowledge what she is saying.
She might feel annoyed initially but she will respect you for it in the long run.
Your girlfriend now might not
ever be your wife, but if you follow the advice of this Expert, you will build
a lifelong friendship. And perhaps the next girl you meet will be like your
mom.
Love is patient
and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not
insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at
wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”
Love you,
Dad
Dad
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