Being single for a certain amount of time has its benefits. I
personally experienced the most growth and self-awareness during my years as a
single girl, and while there were some painful and lonely moments, they all led
me to a place where I could break through some of my walls and do some
necessary
Being single for a certain amount of time has its benefits. I
personally experienced the most growth and self-awareness during my years as a
single girl, and while there were some painful and lonely moments, they all led
me to a place where I could break through some of my walls and do some
necessary
Inner work.
At the same time, most
people don’t make it a goal to be single forever. Most of us want love and
a partner to share our lives with, but we mistakenly go about trying to attain
this thing we want so much in all the wrong ways.
Being single isn’t a
curse and being in a relationship isn’t a cure-all. No matter what stage of
life you’re in, it’s important to take a personal inventory—to look at the
habits and choices that are helping you and the ones that are hurting you
1. YOU’RE TOO NEEDY
There’s
no faster way to repel a man than to need him. Wanting a man is not the
same as needing one.
Neediness
is a state of mind where you feel incomplete, or have an emotional void, and
try to fill this empty space with a relationship
Solution: Neediness usually stems from a lack of self-esteem or
sense of worth. You feel like something is missing within yourself or in your
life and erroneously believe a relationship will be the cure. If you were
unhappy before the relationship, you’ll be unhappy in it. Instead of feeling
sorry for yourself about being single, work on your relationship with yourself.
Work on feeling your best and looking your best. When you are the
best you that you can be, you won’t be able to keep men away!
2. YOU’RE TOO PICKY
Most
women are usually at one extreme or the other: desperate and willing to put up
with anything, or too picky and unwilling to “settle” for anything less than
their dream man.
In
this day and age, we’re saturated with unrealistic love sagas and have
developed an idea of what love should be
and not of what love is
Solution: Make a list of three non-negotiable qualities you need in a
man. This does not include things like how much money he makes or how far back
his hairline is. Money won’t make for a happy marriage, and neither will a full
head of hair, a chiseled jaw, or six-pack abs. Obviously you want to be
attracted to your husband, but try not to get so caught up in the physical
details. Also jot down three deal-breakers. This will help you gain clarity and
perspective and take you away from relying on the long dating checklist you may
have formed in your mind.
3. YOU HAVEN’T WORKED ON YOURSELF
The
number one way to attract love is to make yourself into a vessel that can
receive it.
A successful
relationship comes down to two things: the right person at the right time. The
first thing that’s important to remember when it comes to relationships is that
in general, like attracts like. That is, what you are or think you are is what
you will attract.
Solution: I have a friend who asks herself
every day: “Would I want to date me today?” I think it’s a pretty amazing
exercise and will help you realize where you’re falling short and what you need
to work on.
If you
want an emotionally healthy, confident, stable guy, then you need to make sure
you mirror those qualities at the same level. I mean, why would a guy like that
want to be with someone who is an insecure emotional mess? If you want that
kind of guy, you need to be that kind of girl.
4. YOU WANT GUYS WHO DON’T WANT YOU
One of
the biggest obstacles standing in your way and stopping you from having the
relationship you want is wanting the guys who don’t want you. It’s a ubiquitous
phenomenon. Every day my inbox gets flooded with questions from women plotting
and strategizing to capture a man who does not seem to want to be captured…at
least not by her.
Solution: After a series of letdowns, of high hopes and thinking
things would be different, followed by crushing disappointment and feeling like
a fool for once again thinking the same story would have a different ending, I
made a firm resolution to end this cycle for good. To make a lasting change
that would lead me to the kind of love and relationship I really wanted. I was
going to finally figure out why I kept going after the guys who didn’t want me
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