It's
been about 12 weeks since I saw the awful texts that confirmed my suspicions
that you were being unfaithful. For two years I had been questioning whether
you loved me as I felt so unloved – so much so that I occasionally asked if you
were having an affair. And I felt you were avoiding me. You assured me every
time that you did love me and were not having an affair, which made me feel
happy that things were fine again, for a while.
However,
I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right but because you were reassuring
me, I began to question my own sanity. I became ill, had panic attacks and
anxiety. Our children wondered why you were going out so much and not spending
much time with me or with us as a family. But you carried on being selfish.
Originally,
when I confronted you about the texts on that awful day, you were adamant it
had only been a one-night stand. Although the familiarity in the tone of those
texts did not ring true for just a one-night stand, when I asked you, yet again
you reassured me.
You
arranged for me to go to a Relate appointment with you the very next day, to
which I'd agreed. Five minutes before we were due to go in for our session, you
broke the devastating news that you had indeed been having an affair – for 18
months.
My
world fell apart. I was utterly distraught. You were my world – my friend, my
only lover – and you had completely betrayed and hurt me to a degree beyond my
comprehension.
After
a week or so, you twisted the knife yet again and admitted the affair had
really been going on for two years.
You
had also spent some of our family money on this woman and taken her away for
weekends. You said you had purchased several bottles of wine every time you met
her, as you put it, to help you "do the deed" as it was "just
drunken sex".
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You
bought her flowers, a photographic memory book with pictures of you together
and a necklace for her birthday. You took her away to several concerts,
including the V festival. You took her for a night in a hotel the day after
Valentine's day, which was also a couple of days before her birthday. And all
that time you were lying to me about who you were seeing and what you were
doing. I was so trusting.
The
woman is a work colleague and you obviously still see her every day, even
though you have said you are no longer "seeing" her. I am not sure
that I believe you after so many lies for so long. Unfortunately, I will never
know whether you are still seeing her, as you can just do as you please now because
you are no longer with me. You fooled me so well.
You
continue to treat me despicably. You do not show any remorse or regret for what
you have done, nor do you show any emotions or feelings towards me or my
wellbeing – you act as if nothing has happened and not once have you cried.
You
have told me that you hadn't loved me properly for quite some time, which I am
extremely upset about as you never brought up the problems in our relationship
so that we could have tried to work them out. We had been together 28 years and
that's a lot of memories to throw away.
Everything
is so hurtful. I am devastated that you decided that our relationship was over
and was going to end in such a horrible way, and that you made that awful,
emotionless woman part of our marriage.
You
do say you are sorry, but that really is an empty word for the immense pain
that you have caused me and our children. I have lost my husband and my best
friend and I am not sure I will ever fully recover from the heartache you have
caused me.
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